Last night before bed I had a full on sob fest about the realization that I'm going to have to leave my cats behind when I move to California. It's not like I didn't know this was going to happen before but at that moment it finally sunk in. At first there was talk about bringing them with me, but it's just not a good idea. They are both 13 years old (I've had them since I was 12) and have various ailments. Meechie is slightly retarded and Clawdia is one of the most demanding, needy pets I've ever witnessed (but I love her just the same). They would not adapt to such a drastic change, it would flip their little world upside down and probably make them sick, plus there is the chance that they'd greatly hinder our chances of getting certain apartments.

I think the cats were kind of the impetus to a bunch of other stuff that's been bothering me lately, stress I've been hoarding inside, other fears about the move I'd been avoiding. I realized I hadn't really cried like that in a long time. It needed to come out.

I think anyone who owns a cat (or any pet for that matter!) knows that they are pets but more importantly, they are friends. When I am sad they comfort me, they just know. They've been there throughout the horrors of middle school, they saw me become an angst ridden, mopy gothling and loved me just the same. Clawdia wakes me up in the morning, marching in like a kitty drill sargeant to get the job done when my alarm doesn't do the trick. Meechie curls up and watches television with me. The thought of not having them in my life is so saddening, and everything is changing right now, so I don't know where they'll end up.

I ate lunch in the park today and on my walk back to the office I thought about the whole thing and I started to feel really down again. I passed a row of houses and out of nowhere a little white cat popped out and began meowing at me. I said hello and it jumped off the ledge of the house and began to follow me. I stopped and it stopped. I walked and it followed me some more. I'm not sure if it was just one of those weird intuitive cat things, but I felt like it knew. I leaned down to pet it and said "thank you, but I have to go to work now...." and it watched me walk away until I turned the corner.