I am strong! I can do it!

Tommorow is my first day of school.
For me this is a big deal because I've pretty much always hated school. I guess I could tolerate it till about 2nd grade but it kind of all went down hill after that.
I was going through a particulary rough time my senior year of high school and had no desire to do anything. I thought about college but imagined some magical school faerie to enroll for me and set everything up. That never happened and so I never went to college. "I'll take a year off..." Yeah right.

Part of me does not want to go to college. Part of me feels like I have to do it. To please people, to seriously succeed, so people will just get off my back about it. Part of me is excited about going. I want to learn! I want to buy smooth college ruled notebooks and new pens and be all studious. Right now there is this fleeting moment of wanting to do homework. I'm sure this will not last long.
I'm not even going full time yet. I just want to start from scratch. A nice smooth slate that's not littered with all my bad grades and weak attempts of putting barely any effort into my work.

Eventually I will work my way up. I have decided that I definately want to work with children so I pretty much have to go to school for that. It also makes me feel more secure having a plan. Knowing what I want to do instead of having absolutely no clue. I hate being all nervous. I just don't want this to be another failed attempt.

I think all this school stuff would come a lot easier for me if I got paid for it.