When you live with your boyfriend and neither of you drink you have to find some ways to spend time apart.
Not drinking also creates a void that needs to be filled with "enriching" activities you can congratulate yourself about later.
I think about drinking a lot and I wonder why fate dealt me such a cruel hand, or maybe it did me a favor, or maybe I brought it upon myself.
When I'm driving around in daylight I think about how great it was to go into some weird place in the afternoon and start drinking with strangers. A few hours later I'd have free shots from someone - the bartender or your new friends. The world seemed like a beautiful place by nightfall, when I'd go to somewhere more familiar and proceed to lose track of existence.
It was great. Or maybe it was endlessly humiliating. Sometimes I felt like I'd start drinking just to escape the haunting feelings of the embarrassing things I'd done the night before. It was great.
I am by no means an alcoholic. But to suddenly lose your ability to partake in drinking of any kind - at age 26 - would confuse almost anyone.
I think I miss it, then I think I don't, then I think of the sickness I get from booze now. Beyond any hangover. Something more punishing, debilitating and regretful. Just visualizing alcohol brings on nausea.
Lately I obsess about all of the time I spent between 2005 and now, trying and sometimes succeeding to overcome my body's repulsion to alcohol.
Sometimes I think that I wasted all of that time, when I could have been doing the things I'm embarking on now.
- I'm taking jewelry classes
- cooking classes
- working at a greenhouse
- home decorating
I don't see how anything could have happened any differently though.
It wasn't even drinking that was hard to give up. It was the night. Going to bed before midnight seemed unfathomable and impossible.
But it's what I do now.
A few things.
The souped up cat furniture I embellished:
A delicious recipe for gingerbread waffles:
Wait.. I already posted the pies didnt I? Oh well.
My Christmas tree
My buddy:
My rival:
A dress I want:
[ posted by kara at 01/08/2008 05:10:23 PM ] [ link ] [ 21 responses ]
1
i just like writing
What do you do when you have no formal education or experience but you want to edge your way into writing somehow? Porn reviews of course. In this case, fetish porn comics.
Well it's Sunday in November. I've got 3 or 4 beers in me.. which goes a long way 2k7.. fall 2k7 anyway. I had to leave the bar to come in to work and print some letters for Monday. And apparently now the game is in overtime.
Now listen.. I don't give a fuck about football, really.
But I love watching my boyfriend be corny, and act the most enthusiastic I may ever see him get about anything. I like hanging out around my friends and drinking beers and eating pizzas and listening to the announcers.. I especially like it when the ref goes out on the field and starts yelling in that echoing hallowed voice. All these things remind me of some happy times during my early childhood.
Did this last night... what the fuck:
Sadomic.com
Sadomic.com offers high-quality fetish comics available for download
or viewing on an individual-purchase basis. Galleries and serial
comics can be purchased from $6.95 and up.
Fans of classic femdom art in the vein of Eric Stanton will be
instantly attracted to the style Pes & Guerra in "Felicity Hiarch" and
"Magenta Villa of Madness." Both horny heroines flaunt their bodies
and feet in meticulously drawn fetish fashions. The nylons are shown
with textural detail that only a true stocking worshipper could
appreciate. Explicit and sensory, the drawings and stories evoke the
erotic scents of sweaty nylon-clad feet. In "Felicity Hiarch 6",
Felicity and her new friend Nylonia torture and taunt Nylonia's
desparate smitten slaves with degradation, sex and of course foot
worship.
Magenta, in the "Magenta Villa of Madness" series, is cruel secret
agent with an insatiable sexual appetite. On the very first page
you'll see her stocking-clad feet pushed cruelly into the face of a
man just to tease him. In the course of her "secret agent" adventures
she encounters orgies, seduces and taunts many men, and escapes
near-death.
"Magenta Villa of Madness" features a somewhat more involved plot than
"Felicity", but the sexual exploits are not neglected, nor is the
painstaking artwork featuring full fashioned nylons complete with
seams, loop and heel and toe reinforcement detail. In one panel, as
one of her lovers helplessly ejaculates on her stockinged feet, the
artwork portrays the curvature of Felicity's foot arch, her toes with
painted toenails and stocking bottom detail.
If you are the type of person who thinks you can only get turned on by
a photograph, these comics might just prove you wrong. With realistic
stocking and foot art combined with the wild stories and captivating,
sadistic and beautiful main characters, these comics provide a
different kind of excitement altogether.
Everything in my life is pretty un-glamorous... except for tiny little blasts from the pasts. Yes, its true.. once in awhile some dude will totally send me money for no reason, or write me fan mail. I write back, and I send out CDs of my photos for "donations."
I may not be 19 and adventurous and excited about getting naked for cameras anymore, but I still love attention and I always will.
Still want to be a writer.
[ posted by kara at 11/18/2007 04:59:33 PM ] [ link ] [ 18 responses ]
1
In a row along the left side facing the house I planted these tulips. I planted those about two weekends ago. They go along the sidewalk and down in front of the chain link fence at the front of the yard.
As I dug the holes I came across a weird row of bricks buried in the dirt, parallel to the front of the fence. There's all kinds of stuff in there. The garden is covered in ivy and hostas and vines. For the most part I leave everything be. I cleared out holes for the bulbs, hacking deep into the ground below to chop any roots out of the way. The dirt is a nice leaf mulch thanks to years of neglect, but once the weeds are cleared out there's not really enough of it to go around. So I topped it with the soil out of a few expired potted plants. Yesterday when I finally went to home depot I got some top soil.
It occurred to me that hyacinths smell really good so I should put those along the sidewalk. Since I already did tulips on the left, I had the right side remaining. So I stuck those in there.
Michael picked out the Narcissus. Everything's color with me. I put them along the front of the house, where the sidewalk wraps around.
I found yet another weird row of bricks, parallel to the existing brick border. I tried to remember where daffodils grow and avoided digging the daffodils up.
Daffodils are some hardy motherfuckers and I have no reason to disturb their reign over the garden. Narcissus are actually daffodils, or vice versa or something like that, so maybe these dudes will take root and come back year after year long after I've gone or lost interest.
I enjoyed planting so much that yesterday I got two more sets of bulbs.
I got these pastel hyacinths for more color and fragrance, and I planted them in front of the Narcissus I think. I'm already forgetting. Which is good because when it's springtime I'll be surprised.. if anything comes up at all. It's hard to be patient, so I talk about the flowers and I read about them and now I'm writing about them. I bet they'll start coming up in March.
I got blue alliums, a variety of the three types. I planted them in a patch in the back yard, partially shaded by vines and an overgrown boxwood bush.
I'm hoping that rats don't dig them up.
The backyard is a nightmare of vines and shrubs and stubborn roots of mysterious origins. I wouldn't want to tear up everything because the privacy is nice and the overgrowth is sort of romantic. It would take years to develop such a wall of greenery with new plants of my own choosing.
When I was a child, "The Secret Garden" was one of my favorite books, mostly because I would love nothing more than to have a secret overgrown garden behind a damp mossy stone wall.
I'd like to put a stone bench or a bird bath in the back yard. I'm not sure if a bird bath is such a good idea.
I bet this guy thinks it's a good idea:
[ posted by kara at 11/12/2007 12:56:46 PM ] [ link ] [ 25 responses ]
1
this kind of shit...
From: Cheryl
Sent: Fri 11/9/2007 11:32 AM
"Please note, there is someone on the file who's last name starts with a lowercase letter. Please fix this for me and also attempt to find out who data entered it that way."
From: Kara
Sent: Fri 11/9/2007 11:47 AM
This card was in a recent stack initialed P.P. (Pamela? I don't know her last name..)
From: Cheryl
Sent: Fri 11/9/2007 12:04 PM
"yes, Pamela Pitts, please give it to Brenda tonight and ask her to address it with Pamela for me. I've copied Brenda on this too."
[ posted by kara at 11/09/2007 01:31:42 PM ] [ link ] [ 4 responses ]
1
I would like to eat a pumpkin pie with a crust made of dirt.
A crust of buttery dirt pressed down into an aluminum pie tin with a fork. Fork marks, then a layer of wet leaves, and then soft creamy pumpkin and the half and half that I drop into my coffee on rainy mornings.
Storm clouds of cream in the coffee eventually dilute it to a lighter brown, and block the view to the bottom of the cup.
With pumpkin the cream just sits confused until it gets whisked in, then more cinnamon gets shaken on top, then mixed again, then poured onto my dirt pie crust, flooding up under my wet leaves and set in a hot oven as one pumpkin pie with a dirt crust.
I would like to get so drunk that I could barely speak. My words would slur into the air like the half and half in my coffee, clouding everything up. Shots of whiskey. Beers. Whiskey. Beers. I would walk outside and smell the leaves and roll in the leaves. A short conversation with a cute guy that I'll never get to know. New people. New everything. Exciting and new and blurry and drunk. Wasted.
No time for worry or nostalgia, only a drunken blur of exhilarating dirt and pie and coffee and whiskey. Tomorrow and yesterday trapped countless seasons away, drowning.
[ posted by kara at 10/26/2007 12:04:56 PM ] [ link ] [ 0 responses ]
