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Speed of Pain
I started off last week by attending a Marilyn Manson and Slayer concert. There was some opening band that really sucked, but no one was paying attention anyway. It was still daylight, around 7pm. It was hot. Arizona in the summer.
Slayer was next. There were a lot of people there just to see Slayer. It was dark by the time they came on. This mattered because the Cricket Pavilion where the concert took place was outside. I was in the back, in the general admission section, on the open air lawn. Despite this, the place was not too big, and I could see the stage ok. Add to this two huge screens.
Watching Slayer play was like being in a time warp. They look exactly the same as they did when I was a teenager and listening to them. Long, curly black hair thrashing around, tight jeans, black t-shirts. On and on South of Heaven. The people on the lawn decided to start some lawn fires. Awesome. There were huge warnings displayed before the show advising people not to start lawn fires. I would never have even thought to start a lawn fire if it were not for those warnings.
The fires raged and Slayer played. I knew almost all of the songs they played. Hell awaits, Mandatory Suicide, Hell Awaits, South of Heaven, God Hates us all to name a few. I wish they would have played Seasons in the Abyss and also Die by the Sword, but they played almost all of my other favorites.
In between Slayer and Manson the Venue tried to put out the lawn fires. They brought in hoses. The hoses felt good. It is really fucking hot in Phoenix in the summer. As soon as the fires were put out, people started them back up again. This happened over and over until the concert was over. At this time, the cameras which were feeding the projectors were turned to the crowd. Lots of people were giving the finger to the camera. You know the finger? Also, hot girls were showing their tits. I love tits.
Manson came on. His opening song was something off of the new album, Eat me, Drink me, which I must confess I have not yet acquired (sorry, Marilyn). The show was kind of like Marilyn Manson's Greatest hits. It was a bit toned down since the last time I saw him. He wore clothes the entire show. His new album has sort of an Alice in Wonderland theme going on and for one of the songs there was a huge chair on stage that made him look tiny. That was kind of cool. I like the first single off his new album, Heart shaped glasses.
This is one of the first concerts I have been to in a long time. It was so good to see a concert again. Even if it was a thousand degrees outside.
These lines have been stuck in my head ever since:
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself
I kind of relate to that.
Oh well, here's my motherfucking journal entry / concert write up. At least it wasn't about Weezer? I doubt Killoggs has much tolerance for Marilyn Manson or that anyone is still reading this journal entry at this point, but if you are still reading hello from Phoenix and I hope you are doing well.
[ posted by craig at 09/04/2007 11:36:32 PM ] [ link ] [ 6 responses ]
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Two similar drawings
Both of these drawings had the same origin, and I thought it was interesting to see how differently they turned out. The original inspiration was an ad from a fashion magazine. I wish I still has the ad, but I think I lost it. It was an image of a woman with braided hair wearing some sort of veil or headdress. The drawings have the same face and hair of the woman, but only the top one has the indication of her headdress.
This was the original doodle I did. I just wanted to do a quick study of the hair on the woman in the advertisement. I later assed the shading on the face and just gave her some sort of simple robes for clothing.
When I did this drawing, I used the same face as the ad, but I was bored by the clothes in the ad, and I wanted to do something different. The drawing sat for a few days. For some reason, I thought it would be cool to put her in some kind of armor plate. I am not sure if that reads as armor or some sort of corsette, but either one would do, really. I also threw in the teeth on her outfit, because it is just one of my general obsessions that I need to explore more.
Anyways, I thought it would be fun to compare the two drawings.
[ posted by craig at 10/18/2006 05:28:26 PM ] [ link ] [ 4 responses ]
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Dreams of undead children
First scene, I entered a mysterious building which I took to be a hospital. I was wearing a white outfit which looked like a cross between a medical uniform and some fascistic military outfit. It was a long white coat with white pants and a red shirt.
Next scene, I was observing someone slicing a face up on a medical table. It was a sterile environment. The face was being sliced vertically into thin strips with a very sharp surgical knife. The face was very demonic looking. The person slicing the face was having a conversation with the face while the cutting was going on. The face was not in pain, and I believe the face belonged to some sort of undead being.
The next scene was a very frail person showing up at the hospital pharmacy in order to get a prescription filled. The pharamacist told the man that his prescription was not quite ready, although it was almost done. Then behind the desk, where the prescriptions are prepared the sliced pieces of face were being seperated, squirted with some kind of preservative and then placed in a bottle. This bottle is then given to the man who came in to get his prescription filled. The pharamacist stresses to the man how important it is that the man take all of his medicine and that he start taking it right away.
The next scene is the frail man at his home. He has taken the medicine given to him, and he dies.
Next scene, the man is shown again. Much time has passed. His is alive again. He is undead. He has grey skin and spiky white hair. His eyes are milky white with no pupils. He has gotten married and had a child with a very pretty woman. On his shoulder is his child, a half undead, half vulture creature. The child has the face of a boy with dark, jet-black eyes and long, wiry hair. A woman is with them, the man's wife. She is tall, has black hair and is very pretty. She takes a pair of wire cutters and trims the boys wiry hair. Snips of wire like hair pop off. The man and the woman both smile at the child. The boy looks back at them both with very intense eyes. The three of them are walking down a dark hallway and the dream fades out.
[ posted by craig at 06/22/2006 01:32:44 PM ] [ link ] [ 5 responses ]
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I can tell that we are gonna be friends
It looks like my woman and I are not splitting up after all. After several weeks of fighting and weirdness, things are slowly getting back to normal. For the sake of those involved. I will not get into details. It's nice that things are working out, though.
I hate drama. I hate fighting. I hate conflict. I just want to make nice with everyone. If I have offended anyone, I just want to apologize.
Things of note:
I bought a Canon Powershot sd450 a few weeks back. I like using it very much. I have been mostly just taking shots of my surrounding environment and posting those shots in my flickr account. I haven't been going out very much, not nearly like I did in NYC.
I do not like going out very much here. I am not really very interested in it anymore. I just want to work at my job (well, I really don't want to work at my job, but I must pay my rent), and I want to work on my art, watch dvd,s, read, and spend time with Kelly when I come home. I no longer enjoy drinking. Also, as I must drive everywhere here, I refuse to climb into a vehicle if I have even had one drink.
I have been doing a lot of drawings, and I would like to show them soon. I bought some nice portfolio books for both my small and large drawings in order to protect them and present them in a professional manner. I just need to hit some of the galleries in my area and try to get a show.
I would like to have photographic slides made of my drawings to further document them and also to apply to group exhibitions and possible graduate school. I am wondering if there are photo companies that can do this for me or possibly kinkos.
I think I would like to go to San Francisco this summer. I may take a long winding route which will take me through the mojave desert and also to Joshua Tree, California.
[ posted by craig at 05/11/2006 06:31:24 PM ] [ link ] [ 11 responses ]
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What the fuck is you doing???
It's been a long fucking week, and I can't wait for the weekend. Kelly has been wrapped up with creating presentations and writing papers for her Psychology program, and I have been busy organizing our apartment and running cable lines for the new cable and internet that we had installed this week. Last night, the cable was turned on and I now have working internet at home again. Kelly also has a scanner, so I can scan some of my drawings. Beyond that, I have not seen Kelly in three days as she has been glued to a computer for what seems to be an unhealthy amount of time. I just try to keep her fed and make sure that she gets plenty of caffeine and water for the crazy psychology binge that she is going through. Only one more day until Friday, and I am excited. I just can't wait for this week to be over so that I can go back to spending quality time with my girlfriend.
It should be a fun weekend of art, comics, and science fiction.
- First Friday:
Every first friday of the month, Phoenix hosts simultaneous gallery openings along Roosevelt street and also on Grand Avenue. In addition there are usually performers, and one can peruse various bands playing in the streets, belly dancers, performance artists, and even fire spinners. I think the fire spinners may have been scared off by the Phoenix fire department, though which kind of sucks. Oh well.
Most of the galleries in Phoenix are very experimental which is cool, but it would be nice to see something pop up or evolve into something truly professional and of a world class caliber. Maybe something will happen. Who knows. I am still not sure in my own thinking if these post-modern art galleries are still the best way to go in terms of marketing of one's fine art. All in all, First Friday is a good thing. The more people appreciating art, the better.
- Tempe Festival of the Arts:
The Tempe Festival of the Arts is also going on this weekend. Apparently this happens twice a year. I missed the one in the Spring. I will probably go on Saturday and bring my girlfriend along for the ride.
- The Secret Voice:
Hopefully I will be able to buy Zack's comic this weekend, as I would like to see what he has been up to and all the glorious details of his drawing style and story-telling abilities. There are two comic shops in town that I know of, Atomic Comics and Samurai Comics. Hopefully one of them will have it. Actually, now that I think about it, I will call them both today and see if either one has it. Maybe I can order it if they don't.
- Aeon Flux:
I am also going to take my girlfriend to see Aeon Flux this weekend. I hope that this does not suck the testicular cancer out of a hoary man's balls. We shall see. The previews that I have seen have actually been interesting, and I think some of the themes while altered may have been crafted to remain true to original flavor of Peter Chung's vision. I will probably post a review once I have seen it. A new dvd of all of the collected MTV cartoons is also now available, and I may pick that up as well.
[ posted by craig at 12/01/2005 12:12:45 PM ] [ link ] [ 10 responses ]
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Gnashing of Teeth
About three weeks ago, I brought my girlfriend to the dentist to have a root canal. She had been writhing in pain all weekend. What a terrible terrible weekend it was to watch her in pain and know that there was nothing that I could do to make it go away. So, I brought her to the dentist and patiently waited as the dentist took a blowtorch and a pair of pliers to the innermost workings of her tooth.
While I was waiting, I asked the receptionist if they took my insurance, Indeed they did, and it had been about 18 months or so since I had seen a dentist. That last episode involved having a wisdom tooth extraction due to a serious cavity. That thing had been lodged halfway into my gum and was getting eaten up by some serious bacteria due to food getting trapped way back there. Anyway, I had the tooth removed, was told that I had no other cavities at the time, pledged myself to responsible and prudent oral hygiene, and went on my way. Shortly thereafter, I departed NYC, left my job behind, along with dental insurance and a stable lifestyle.
I made an appointment while my girlfriend was having the guts of her tooth irrigated. I was scared. What can happen in 18 months? I was even more scared when the receptionist told me they could squeeze me in for a checkup while they were gouging the soft parts out of my girlfriend's tooth. Argh!
My dentist was very young and very thorough. I was afraid of metal hooks, probing away at teeth, searching for soft spots or whatever. He came in, wearing loops over his eyes, wielding a small plastic air hose. The hygienist was to me left. He sat at my right. He went over each of my teeth from his left to right, top to bottom, with the hose blurting out tooth numbers along with strings of letters. He then informed me that I had seven cavities. Aieeee!!! Seven?? Are you serious? How can this be. All in the back teeth, he informs me, spots I am missing when I brush. They can all be filled, though. Whew. No root canals. No yanking of nerve fibers from my skeletal portrusions.
I went last week and he filled five of them all at once, both sides on the top. He injected both cheeks with novacaine. It is such a weird feeling. It feels like a pinch in the cheek, and you can feel the needle in your jaw, like it is going to poke out through the other end of your cheek. In goes gross tasting anaesthetic. Mmmm. Swollen numbness ensues. Can you feel this? No. How about this? No. Good! Let's begin. Drilling. I hate it when they drill. The sound is very unsettling. I lament the gouging of my teeth as well. It's another reminder of my own mortality, the loss of bits of tooth bacteria. The bacteria will eventually win. Once drilling is done, I always breathe a sigh of relief. Well, I still have some tooth left, and now they will be filled up with resin composites. It could be worse. Look what happened to Darth Vader.
The final two fillings were yesterday. My dentist injected four shots of novacaine into my cheek. I could feel the needing resting on my skull. Yummy. It was lower teeth yesterday. I was so numb, by the time he started drilling I could't feel one side of my tongue or even my ear. I was out of the office in 20 minutes, too numb to even speak properly. It took about 5 hours for the numbness to wear off. At about 8:00pm, I decided that all I was going to have for dinner was a milkshake from Jack in the Crack. Oreo Milkshake. Mmmm. I put milkshake on tongue, and it was such a weird feeling. I felt cold vanilla oreo goodness on one side of my tonge, and on the other side...nothing. I could even distinguish the cold. Wow. My girlfriend called on the phone. I sounded like I was drunk. I slurred. I slobbered. I vowed my undying love through mispronounced syllables. I wub vou.
I survived, and in the process I liberated several dental brochures from the office with some very bizaare illustration. I think I am going to do some drawings detailing some of my dental nightmares. In the meantime, it's a strict regimen of Plax, Oral B Sonic Care, dental floss, and Listering to make sure that they don't come true.
[ posted by craig at 10/27/2005 01:35:38 PM ] [ link ] [ 2 responses ]
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The Now
It's been a long time since I wrote in my journal here. I should write in here more.
Here is something I just posted in my livejournal:
Last night I went to Michael's craft store and bought some fabric markers. At lunch today I am going to buy some t-shirts, and then this evening I am going to start drawing all over these shirts. I am going to draw some blue women with spiky hair, multiple eyes, and orchids sprouting out of their heads making out. I will have these shirts in time for Friday!
Tomorrow night I will wear one of my new shirts, grab my Polaroid and go dancing. Hopefully I will get some good pictures.
I am also going to start painting soon. I haven't painted in a while, and it's kind of like being on the high dive and looking down into the water. I draw effortlessly and painting seems so much more serious. The challenge beckons me. It is the Now, the fulcrum upon which my entire Universe swings. I must begin work on these paintings.
In a month or so, when I get some more money, I am going to buy a weight bench. My friend Greg and I are going to start working out at my place. It's time to get fit.
I will also elaborate upon my love/hate relationship with painting. I have a bunch of vague ideas and this week I have been brainstorming, trying to nail something that I feel is of enough value to go on a canvas. I would like to do some portraits of some of the women that I know for sure. I also need to paint some of the more internal ideas that have been dying to get out, strange women with large dark lenses for eyes, characters with multiple eyes, blue/green skin, insect-like antennae, mandibles, probiscii, tongues, barbed tongues, etched lines, eyelashes not unlike a scorpion, people who speak in strange sounds, what do these sounds look like? People surrounded by clouds of psychadelic, toxic dust. These are the fashions of the future. The fashions I will take with me when I emigrate to Mars. When are they going to open up Mars for emigration???
I am kind of fascinated by Mars and have been for a while. I bought a bunch of National Geographics about Mars. I have maps of mars, pictures of the planet from space and pictures of the surface. The planet also has Astrological and Mythological significance, Mars/Ares, the god of War. The planet is blood red. last year, Mars was especially close and I got to go to the Astronomy building at Columbia University and New York and look at Mars through the telescope. I got to see the Polar caps. Mars is replacing Medusa as my primary mytholical interest.
I kind of like the desert. It is dry and hot. It demands respect. It allows the person to direct their thoughts inward and outward at amazing speed, unhindered by the noise that collects in the more inhabited places of the Universe. With that being said, I just visted San Diego last week, and it was absolutely gorgeous. California is a beautiful place, and I see us having an affair in the future...
[ posted by craig at 08/11/2005 12:31:50 PM ] [ link ] [ 20 responses ]
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Beautiful Friend
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is callin' us
The blue bus is callin' us
Driver, where you taken' us
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...fuck you
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
C'mon, yeah
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end
Lyrics by The Doors.
[ posted by craig at 12/31/2004 08:38:00 PM ] [ link ] [ 0 responses ]
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The Order
Last night, I watched "The Order", a very significant part of Matthew Barney's Cremaster 3 and, this one section is oddly enough the only part of the entire series available on dvd for mass consumption. As this is but a specific piece fo an "art film" I consider this to be mostly a video art piece.
Matthew barney himself is the protagonist, the "entered apprenticed" trying to pass an allegorical initiation which is somehow loosely based on masonic initiation rites. He is muscular, pale, wearing a brighly orange/peachy kilt, and there is a bloody rag hanging out of his mouth. You will find no explanation for Barney's manner of appearance in this video.
The setting of the video is the interior of the Guggenheim Museum in New York. In the video, The entered apprentice must scale the spiral levels of this interior to get to the top, facing obstacles on the five levels on his way up. There are five levels or five parts to this video. On the first level, there is a chorus line of women in a lamp costume, the second level involves a battle between the New York hardcore bands Agnostic Front and Murphy's Law, the third level is a confrontation with Aimee Mullins a below the knee double-amputee, olympic athlete and model as a cheetah woman, The Five Points of Fellowship, some bizaare sculpture with lamp parts and horns emanating from the body, and the Architect, artist Richard Serra who throws melted vaseline down the top ramp.
In trying to decide the meaning of this procession, I do not feel like there is any absolute interpretation. I do not know the meanings of the specific symbols that Barney employs, but this should not be necessary to get a basic grasp of what is going on. It is, on a basic level a ritual about transcendence. In symbolic or allegorical works and also in dreams, houses or buildings often represent a being. The various rooms in a house often represent various parts of the psyche, and that is how I take the interior of the Guggenheim with it's various levels. These are different aspects of the apprentices psyche, and he must confront them and complete them in order to gain mastery of himself.
On the first level we have the graceful, synchronistic, and very innocent looking chorus lamb-women. These women contrast very much with the very masculine, chaotic, brutal energy emanating from the battling hardcore bands and the mosh pit between them one level above. These two tiers perhaps represent different levels of consciousness or different desires. They seem almost to be diametrically opposed to each other.
The third level, the confrontation with Aimee Mullins is one the most amazing segments of the video. She is first shown on screen in some sort of ritual stance in a fetish/nurse outfit. As she is an amputee below the knee on both legs, she has some very beautifully crafted either glass or plastic lower legs that she is shown walking around the room. The back of her outfit, what looks similar to a hospital gown is open in the back, exposing her muscular back and very sexy rear end. When Barney finally climbs his way up to her level, the engage in a ritualistic embrace, and Barney is shown in a similar fetish/nurse outfit, which on him does not look nearly as compelling. After the embrace, Mullins transforms into a very striking cheetah woman and bites Barney in the neck and claws a big gash into his chest. Later in the video, Barney is shown collecting Masonic tools and them using them to dispatch the cheetah-woman. I'm not exactly sure what aspect about Barney the cheetah woman represents. Maybe this fusion of woman and animal represents something about Barney's libido or perhaps his subconscious. That being said, I think Aimee Mullins is very pretty and she looks best in the fetish/nurse outfit. The cheetah makeup hides too much of her natural beauty, and I think the glass or plastic legs look more empowering on her than the very weak-looking cat legs.
The fourth level is the most abstract. The Five Points of Fellowship seem inanimate for the most part, but the horns, although probably not functional in real life sound in this segment of the video. There are several other abstract forms that Barney flips at the Points in order to somehow complete the device. What this element represents I am unclear of. I have had the most trouble trying to wrap my brain around this part.
The final segment is the architect. He is played by artist Richard Serra who is famous for throwing hot lead against his studio walls in the 60's as some sort of statement of aggression. In ths video, he hurls liquid vaseline at the top ramp of the Guggenheim in a statement of aggression, parady, and perhaps perversity. The vaseline starts to drip down a ramp down the levels. My obvious guess would be that the architect represent the conscious and the ego. He is the outward appearance. He is the controller and shaper of destiny, the final act of accomplishment for the apprentice.
Overall I enjoyed watching The Order, and I appreciated the flow and sequencing of the events. I also liked its ritualistic nature, and I found the images and symbols contained within to be visually and intellectually stimulating. As part of a larger work of art, I think it stands fine on its own. I would recommend this video to people who are interested in works of symbolism or surrealism and those who are into ritual.
[ posted by craig at 03/24/2004 03:27:01 PM ] [ link ] [ 2 responses ]
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The aching ear
Today I have an earache. I went to my doctor yesterday, and he asked me is I had noticed any blood or other discharge from my ear. If anything ever oozes out of my ear, I will probably lose my composure. I told him "no" that there was no discharge. He examined me, determined that I have an ear infection, and prescribed ciproflaxin in ear-drop form. Goo.
Today for lunch, I had a vegetarian stuffed tomato, stuffed with rice, fresh basil, black pepper, and other spices I cannot identify. I also had stewed potatoes and cornbread on the side. I got it at Sohomade Soups, and it came out to $5.97.
[ posted by craig at 03/18/2004 01:58:55 PM ] [ link ] [ 6 responses ]
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