"Get your ass in the gym fatty! Stop fucking eating! Stop blubbering about it and do something about it!" - Bibbly advising Brandon on wieght management
Moving to a really adorable little house in Hampden Bmore on September 1st with my dude.
Pretty much decided to attend dog grooming school in October.
Currently working a boring ass temp job in the meantime. Counting down the days.
Wish it weren't summer (never thought I'd feel that way. Just another way San Francisco has changed me!)
Reading lots of David Sedaris.
Listening to all these bands on the Muxtape I made:
radiotron.muxtape.com
[ posted by carla at 07/28/2008 11:02:39 PM ] [ link ] [ 19 responses ]
2
private or members only entry
2
private or members only entry
2
private or members only entry
2
private or members only entry
2
private or members only entry
1
Eyes me like a pisces
I met a nice dude. He makes me happy.
[ posted by carla at 09/30/2006 08:00:39 PM ] [ link ] [ 11 responses ]
1
stories from my other life.
Confined on that little junkie island was comforting for awhile. It gave me the oppurtunity to cut myself off from the rest of humanity and spend a lot of time by myself. I lost weight because I was never out partying and I read more. I tried to look on the bright side.
I didn't enjoy looking out my window in to a sea of zombie junkies so I always kept the curtains closed.
I would walk that long walk home from work and as soon as my feet hit the other side of Washington Blvd. I would walk a little faster.
He'd never be home, he worked nights so I always had the house to myself for hours. If I was lucky there'd be the remainder of a 6 pack of Natty Boh in the fridge and I would have it for dinner with a grilled cheese sandwich. If I had money I'd order take out from Kristos. Samosas and naan, extra rice.
I would think about all the people I knew who were out doing things and my heart felt heavy and jealous. I didn't have a car (still don't) so I stayed inside all night long. Fell asleep finally, preparing myself for another early day of work in the morning. He'd come home around midnight, sometimes later and always wake me up. I resented him deeply for that. Thinking back on it now, those were good times between us, when there was actually that desire to even wake me up at all. I think towards the end of it we both enjoyed eachother better when the other was alseep or away.
I try not to look at is as wasted time. Did I waste 6 months of my life in the 'hood for love? Did I spend my time alone and away from everyone else in that house with only the company of 4 giant rats in the basement, vermin in the kitchen and loud thug children riding around on obnoxious scooters in the street for hours for love? I think that I did or maybe it was just that I was scared. Scared of reverting back to my old ways so I'd just keep myself quarantined in that house by myself and hope that maybe someone wanted to hang out, to whisk me away from it all. At least for a little while.
In the early morning, when the streets of Baltimore were completely peaceful and silent (the way I liked them best) I would listen to My Bloody Valentine. Sometimes I would listen to Boards of Canada. It was always so dark, and in the winter the streets would glisten, slick and wet. Those are comforting memories for some reason. Even though I was miserable there and sick to death of that little city, I think of those long, dark walks when it was just me and my headphones and long stretches of empty streets.
These small blips of time you spend with people, sometimes I wonder what they're all for. Carrying on like a married couple for years and then, one day, it's suddenly all over. Then you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, shut all that stuff away in a box somewhere and keep walking.
Life lessons, learning lessons...that's the way I'm supposed to see it. What have I learned from all of this? What did I learn from that lonely time when it was just him and I in that cold row house, always.
I just don't know and I don't know if I ever will.
[ posted by carla at 07/30/2006 12:56:38 PM ] [ link ] [ 3 responses ]
2
private or members only entry
1
Ciao!
Ciao!
I've been so happy since I walked away
I never thought that I could feel as great as I do today
'Cause you were nothing but a big mistake
And life is wonderful, now that I'm rid of you
Oh I must've been crazy to have stayed with you
I can't believe I thought I was in love with you
But now the scales have fallen I can really see
And I say go to hell, 'cause thats where you took me
Well, I've felt better since I slammed that door
You always cramped my style, I never noticed before
It's been a non-stop party since I flew the coop
I can't believe I fell for such a loser like you
And is it any wonder that I felt so blue
When I was always having to put up with you
Oh, here we go again, just lay the blame on me
Don't say another word, 'cause sweetheart, you're history
I know that you miss me really, bet you wish that you still had me
You'll never find someone like me but I've got no regrets at all
'Cause I've met this girl and she's so good to me
She's really beautiful, fantastic company
Oh, when I'm with her I realise what love can be
'Cause she's fifty times the person you will ever be
Good luck, mister, do you think I care?
Since you've been gone the offers have been everywhere
I've got a million guys just lining up for me
I've turned a corner, boy, my life is ecstasy
Well, I've been in heaven since I walk away
I never thought that I could feel as great as I do today
'Cause you were nothing but a waste of space
And life is wonderful now that I'm over you
[ posted by carla at 07/01/2006 03:43:19 PM ] [ link ] [ 18 responses ]
