[ posted by carla at 08/25/2008 09:24:15 PM ] [ link ] [ 0 responses ]
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Shmupdates.
Things of note:
Moving to a really adorable little house in Hampden Bmore on September 1st with my dude.
Pretty much decided to attend dog grooming school in October.
Currently working a boring ass temp job in the meantime. Counting down the days.
Wish it weren't summer (never thought I'd feel that way. Just another way San Francisco has changed me!)
Reading lots of David Sedaris.
Listening to all these bands on the Muxtape I made:
radiotron.muxtape.com
[ posted by carla at 07/28/2008 11:02:39 PM ] [ link ] [ 19 responses ]
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private or members only entry
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private or members only entry
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private or members only entry
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private or members only entry
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private or members only entry
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Eyes me like a pisces
I met a nice dude. He makes me happy.
[ posted by carla at 09/30/2006 08:00:39 PM ] [ link ] [ 11 responses ]
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stories from my other life.
Confined on that little junkie island was comforting for awhile. It gave me the oppurtunity to cut myself off from the rest of humanity and spend a lot of time by myself. I lost weight because I was never out partying and I read more. I tried to look on the bright side.
I didn't enjoy looking out my window in to a sea of zombie junkies so I always kept the curtains closed.
I would walk that long walk home from work and as soon as my feet hit the other side of Washington Blvd. I would walk a little faster.
He'd never be home, he worked nights so I always had the house to myself for hours. If I was lucky there'd be the remainder of a 6 pack of Natty Boh in the fridge and I would have it for dinner with a grilled cheese sandwich. If I had money I'd order take out from Kristos. Samosas and naan, extra rice.
I would think about all the people I knew who were out doing things and my heart felt heavy and jealous. I didn't have a car (still don't) so I stayed inside all night long. Fell asleep finally, preparing myself for another early day of work in the morning. He'd come home around midnight, sometimes later and always wake me up. I resented him deeply for that. Thinking back on it now, those were good times between us, when there was actually that desire to even wake me up at all. I think towards the end of it we both enjoyed eachother better when the other was alseep or away.
I try not to look at is as wasted time. Did I waste 6 months of my life in the 'hood for love? Did I spend my time alone and away from everyone else in that house with only the company of 4 giant rats in the basement, vermin in the kitchen and loud thug children riding around on obnoxious scooters in the street for hours for love? I think that I did or maybe it was just that I was scared. Scared of reverting back to my old ways so I'd just keep myself quarantined in that house by myself and hope that maybe someone wanted to hang out, to whisk me away from it all. At least for a little while.
In the early morning, when the streets of Baltimore were completely peaceful and silent (the way I liked them best) I would listen to My Bloody Valentine. Sometimes I would listen to Boards of Canada. It was always so dark, and in the winter the streets would glisten, slick and wet. Those are comforting memories for some reason. Even though I was miserable there and sick to death of that little city, I think of those long, dark walks when it was just me and my headphones and long stretches of empty streets.
These small blips of time you spend with people, sometimes I wonder what they're all for. Carrying on like a married couple for years and then, one day, it's suddenly all over. Then you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, shut all that stuff away in a box somewhere and keep walking.
Life lessons, learning lessons...that's the way I'm supposed to see it. What have I learned from all of this? What did I learn from that lonely time when it was just him and I in that cold row house, always.
I just don't know and I don't know if I ever will.
[ posted by carla at 07/30/2006 12:56:38 PM ] [ link ] [ 3 responses ]
