i am inclined to write at the moment and since i do not have my hand written journal with me, i thought that i might just as well share my thoughts here at the moment. i just wanted to think out loud.... and i haven't posted in a while. so thank you, uh "two" people (whoever you are) for reading my posts.
so anyway, i am sitting at a coffee shop that finally reminds me of the one i used to go to daily back in tallahassee, minus the lake, all of the people that i knew, and the weekly scrabble tournements, (of which i never took part of b/c i suck at it) and including the hard wood floors, mediocre photographs for sale of a local artist, the christmas lights, and the the strummy blurry guitary casio 4/4 beat indie music on low moderate tone... but it is quiet and i didn't receive a "pshaw, i have to get up from my chess game and serve this CUSTOMER." attitude fromt eh barista... SHE even asked how my day was, which is nice. good for her. i folded a dollar bill into a heart for her as a tip to show my gratitude.
so here i am, yes, become one of THOSE people, you know, THOSE people that you see in coffee shops surfing on the internet and sending out that "like I am SO busy with my D&D online game/AIM/ MYspace searching" vibe. well, i don't have any other choice at the moment, though i feel really embarrassed leaving my house to "get out" only to alienate myself. it amazes me how computers and technology estrange us and make us closer. i mean, i could even "chat" with my own flesh and blood sister sitting here, yet, to start up a friendly conversation with the person across from me would be next to impossible. i even thought that i would sit at the seat next to him and face his direction, and then i reallized i can only see the top of his head b/c HIS computer is in his face, too.
OH WELL.
i am doing o.k., i guess. i have been a bit paranoid and depressed lately, and i am beginning to think (if this isn't just some self fulfilling prophecy) that my emotions as of late are indirectly tied to the feelings of those that i am close to are going through right now. for example, i recently reconnected with my friend (aka "puppy" or amanda), last week. her mother is very sick and isn't doing very well. i asked how she was doing last wednesday, just b/c i had some really weird feeling that morning and imagined that a friend's mother had gotten into an accident or something... puppy mentioned that wednesday was one of the worst days for her mother as she is dealing with this disease, and was in great pain. strange that the whole day i couldn't shake off this feeling that something wasn't quite right.
i don't think that i am psychic or have some sort of 6th sense, but i do think that people can connect like this sometimes.
today was another day that i couldnt' shake the blues off. i wish that i didn't wear my "shirt on my sleeve" as much as i do... and i do have to work on that from a professional standpoint. i can't be an introvert as a supervisor. oh, yeah, i am a supervisor at Goodwill in Portland. 'cherio, lad'
i have been coooking from my sister's your moosewood cookbook lately. .. i LOVE the receipes. i made a 'tamale pie' last night that was extremely delicious. and i baked enough muffins to feed a small army of neo-hippies... "like my life is SO exciting, psshaw, you didn't know!?"
i am probably not making enough effort to make friends here. i admit. so i have no reason to bitch. i am working on that. it is weird, though. i am really shy when it comes to meeting people anymore. i dunno. the coffee shop at the moment is divided distinctluy into 3 groups. on the end by the window (and in the center of the room i note)is a couple of indie/hippie kids. at the center is a guy reading a book, me and the other computer guy (the nerdy reading group), and in the back on the sofas are 4 people, the gay friendly yuppie type. categories, categories. and to cater to the killoggs ego "which do you prefer of the three?"
michael-my boyfriend in seattle-is officially a manager at the music instrument store. i am happy for him. he will do well with that.
so why am i am portland? you'll have to wait until the next issue so that i can come up with a really good punchline. whenever that is...
[ posted by breckany at 03/26/2006 02:20:14 AM ] [ link ] [ 4 responses ]
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[ posted by breckany at 02/24/2006 09:58:42 PM ] [ link ] [ 4 responses ]
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GOLLUM IS COMING AFTER YOU!!!
So, there was a silly thing on MySpace (I am a nerd!) today where my friend suggested that we Google "(Your Name) looks like" and I was brought right straight the fuck back to KILLOGGS. YOU BASTARDS.
I LOVE HAVING A FUNKY NAME.
And thank you, Brandon, Ben & Josh (it's really your guys' fault, you know. Ben told me i had this eye color, bitches), because this is WHAT I LOOK LIKE:
"Breckany Looks like Gollum, Had dirty feet like Gollum, smelled of fish heads. I had to throw away my sheets afterward. She answered a question for me that had long nagged at my heart: Would I fuck Gollum? No, I most certainly would not."
http://www.theonering.net/scrapbook/view/6856
HAHAHAHAHA....I have sharp teeth and a raspy voice. that rules.
DON'T. FUCK. WITH. GOLLUM.
[ posted by breckany at 12/14/2005 06:14:44 PM ] [ link ] [ 0 responses ]
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"People Do Stupid Things"
In the past week, I have managed to :
1. Go to a doctor's appointment that didn't exist (because, as my friend Stu would say, "Insurance is the devil")
2. Drive almost aimlessly for 4 &1/2 hours to locate lovely lovely Goodwills
3. Piss off 1 of my best friends
4. Become alientated by the other
5. Embarass myself in ways I will not mention
6. Mope in my car alot
7. And yes, I am STILL AT WORK (it's 8:30 p.m., I have been here since 7:30 a.m.-you do the math).
8. Be late to my last meeting at this job because, while leaving the house to be EARLY, I left my keys in the damn HOUSE
9. JOB SEARCH!!! YAYYYYYYYY!
I sound like an emo kid, but I think I jst wanted to bitch. I feel better now.
I just want to metalhead, like Atom & His Package----that kinds just popped up in my mind. Mabye I could add that to my list while job searching...
[ posted by breckany at 12/12/2005 08:22:00 PM ] [ link ] [ 1 responses ]
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my superhero type
Your results: You are Catwoman
Catwoman
80%
Supergirl
65%
Hulk
65%
Green Lantern
65%
Spider-Man
60%
Wonder Woman
60%
Iron Man
60%
Batman
55%
Robin
47%
The Flash
45%
Superman
40%
You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.
[ posted by breckany at 11/28/2005 07:33:04 PM ] [ link ] [ 3 responses ]
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Tofu-rkey
Well, it's the day before Tufu-rkey (being as I am a (lazy, albeit) vegetarian), day, and I managed to squirrel myself out of the elongated prayer that we have to sit through at work in order to have the right to eat some potluck Goodwill grub in the afternoon. "Non-religious affiliated organization" my ass...
Decent food, though and our Vice President remarked loudly to the crowd, "Hey, look, even "Breckany the vege" found something to eat here!" Most people here don't know what vegetarian means--I get asked, "is that like a disease-one o' them thangs like the bird flu? You from New York, ain't ya' I KNEW IT!" (see last entry for more about the unevolved savage creatures of the Southern United States)....
So, I return to land of Living Dead in Ft. Myers where the Wal-marts are packed with rather large obese old ladies with big white hair, goggle-eque sunglasses, tacky perfume that smells like formaldehyde, and gaudy polychromatic moo-moos swinging their 2 ton purses over other people's heads in order to get the last can of condensed milk on the aisle. LOVELY PEOPLE. really. [see: My mother's family: below]...
On a less frightening note, I have received a couple of job offers. One as a consultatnt for the Refuge House in Tallahassee, which needs help improving its operations, another possibility training employees in (duh, dundun!): Colombus, OH at the Goodwill there. Mmm... cow pastures and Mormons and lots of mid-west plaid flannel shirts. Enthralling.
We'll see...
And I have made some amends with my anti-social, anti-telephone boyfriend. he has a job at a musical instrument store for now. Good for him.
My sister sounds excited that I am going to visit her in Japan for Christmas, and so am I, though I have been so preoccupied with other things that I haven't been able to go "Fuck you, "George Dub-ya' Bush- I'll be away from your lamely managed kingdom for 2 weeks-BIOTCH!"----BUT i think that realization has just hit me. cool.
And I had a garage sale last weekend. I made $31.50, after expenses (ads, etc.), $21.50---enough for, like, an ounce of gas or something.
Well, I am gonna go think of what I am thankful for so tomorrow I can say something interesting and pretentious and rude when the family gets in a circle and says what they are thankful for. Last year I said I was thankful for "Ashcroft resigning" and got a lot of rolled eyeballs and my mother smacking me on the shoulder, saying, "Don't mind her, she's just being 'PO'-LITIC'-AL'."
"POLITICAL"-LY yours-breck
[ posted by breckany at 11/23/2005 03:42:21 PM ] [ link ] [ 11 responses ]
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Beginnings, not necessasrily new...
I am not much of a writer, my dad and my sister stole those genes from me, and the best I can draw is a stick figure, so if you are bored already, that is o.k.
I am not sure in my life where I am... perhaps no one does, but to give you some background: I have been in Tallahassee for 5+ years, before that I was having my ankles gnawed on by the yuppy hell living dead of ft. myers, fl. (for 5 years) ---I went to high school there and became a "music nerd"---but I haven't played the flute since I have been in Tallahassee. Moving farther backwards, I spent yet another 5 years sqatting mosquitoes in Alexandira, Louisiana---backwards on---5 years in New Mexico and born in Nebraska.
So, since I have moved every 5 years almost to the dot, I guess it just seems about right on target that I am on the road again soon. My boyfriend and best friend moved to Seattle about 2 months ago, and I need to get the HELL out of the south anyway: Lately, I have had it up to my fucken neck with the "GIT 'R DONE!" thing! My co-workers keep popping those talking lighters or other $2.99 redneck gas station gear in my office and spoiling my otherwise grumpy, albeit, but unsocial mornings at work---and I don't play well with others until about 10:00 a.m. at the absolute earliest.
I work at Goodwill(?) Industries in this area as their Training Coordinator . I have a pretty cool job, but as far as the south goes, I have had enough of: the mosquitoes, fart jokes, cheap beer, hollering jerks in their dirt-caked 4-wheelers, humidity, the beaches that aren't even think-ably close to here, FSU "sorostitites" with their "ho-ass" skirts, and the "dude, I got SOOOOOO WASTED last night" college elistits, the non-vegetarian mentality (my co-workers: "you eat chicken, right?!")~~~people that cut in line in front of you at the 10-item express lane when you only have 1 item (that's probably "anywhere, america", though), the "you from NEW YORK???" comments I get in pin-points on the map at Goodwills in rural areas, the god-awful confederate flags, and formost, the "W!" bumper stickers.
and I have had enough of the lonliness, too.
All of my friends have moved, and when I leave this office, I feel I have nowhere to go home to or know what I really want from life.... I guess that's the "after college" blues, but maybe this is a 20's life phase.
So, I guess that pretty much sums me up for now.
Apologies to the "Southern Pride" armies or those of "G.R.I.T.S. (Girls Raised In the South) tradition. You are people, too. I just think the civil war is over, and it's time to move on...
[ posted by Breckany at 11/11/2005 05:56:05 PM ] [ link ] [ 5 responses ]
